When You’re Gone

I always needed time on my own
I never thought I'd need you there when I cry
And the days feel like years when I'm alone
And the bed where you lie is made up on your side
When you walk away I count the steps that you take
Do you see how much I need you right now

Robin sat on her couch holding a picture of her and Patrick as she listened to the radio. It was pouring outside and like always the rain made her a little sad. So she’d turned on the radio and as the words started to fill her apartment she’d picked up the picture of her and Patrick from a day when they had danced in the rain at the park. She hugged it close to her chest as the words from the song started to hit her…..it was as if they were written for her and Patrick.

When you're gone
The pieces of my heart are missing you
When you're gone
The face I came to know is missing too
When you're gone
The words I need to hear to always get me through the day and make it ok
I miss you

She wiped the tears from her eyes as she looked again at the picture of them. She couldn’t believe that all the happiness she’d felt that day was gone. That he was gone. She missed him more and more everyday, even though she saw them at the hospital and worked with him, it wasn’t the same. They were still not together and after today it was cemented into her that they never would be again. She’d caught him going into an exam room half naked, which meant he’d been somewhere with the nurse……and what made it worse was that she’d been on her way to tell him about their baby. When he’d turned and saw her standing there he couldn’t suppress the surprise in his eyes and she couldn’t hide the disappointment in hers. Sighing she let herself cry some more at the fact that her and Patrick would never be again.

I've never felt this way before
Everything that I do reminds me of you
And the clothes you left, they lie on the floor
And they smell just like you, I love the things that you do
When you walk away I count the steps that you take
Do you see how much I need you right now

Patrick sat on the couch in his apartment staring at a picture of Robin. Picking up his beer he slipped off the couch and onto the floor suddenly feeling nothing but hate for his couch…..hell for everything in his apartment. She’d picked it out, all of it, and after today he knew that she’d probably never again step foot into it. He’d thought her getting pregnant would be the final nail in the coffin of their relationship but it hadn’t been….it had been her finding him half naked in an exam room….and while nothing but kissing had happened, he’d known that she’d seen it as something completely different. She’d seen it as him once again moving on with Leyla. Sighing he placed his beer on the table and leaned his head back as he listened to the sappy song that had been playing on his radio since he’d turned it on.

When you're gone
The pieces of my heart are missing you
When you're gone
The face I came to know is missing too
When you're gone
The words I need to hear to always get me through the day and make it ok
I miss you

He felt a tear slip down his cheek as he picked up the picture of her and traced his finger over her face. It was a face that even without pictures he would see forever. It was the face of the only woman he loved, and the only woman he wanted to love. Closing his eyes he started to remember what it had been like to have her back in his arms four weeks ago. It had felt right that they were together; comforting each other, the only bad part of it was the broken condom……which he still hadn’t told her about. He knew he should, but he knew that if he did she would take all of the blame and the guilt. So he kept it to himself and faithfully took his PEP protocol while he prayed that he was ok, because he knew if he was HIV+ at the end of the next six months that wasn’t something he was going to be able to hide from her. Unless he left…….which he didn’t plan to do for many reasons….the main one being……even though he wasn’t with Robin, he knew he couldn’t live without seeing her every day. Sighing he finished his beer. He stood up and walked to the kitchen to put it in the trash and then walked back out into the living room. He stopped short suddenly feeling suffocated in the wide open space of his apartment. Grabbing his keys and cell phone he headed out into the rainy night.

When you're gone
The pieces of my heart are missing you
When you're gone
The face I came to know is missing too
When you're gone
The words I need to hear to always get me through the day and make it ok
I miss you

Robin pulled her coat around her tighter as she made her way down the familiar path to the gazebo in the park. She hadn’t been there since before Georgie was killed. She couldn’t face knowing that someplace she’d had a happy memory at was now tarnished with the memory of her cousin being found dead there. Stopping short of the gazebo she sank down onto a bench suddenly feeling like she couldn’t breathe. She felt water dripping down her face and couldn’t tell if it was the rain or her tears. Wiping at her face she stood up once again and turned to make her way back to her apartment, knowing that being outside in the rain wasn’t good for her or the baby. She stopped short when she saw someone striding towards her.

We were made for each other
Out here forever
I know we were, yeah
All I ever wanted was for you to know
Everything I'd do, I'd give my heart and soul
I can hardly breathe I need to feel you here with me, yeah

Patrick walked aimlessly through the park. He just needed to be out and away from things that reminded him of the life that he wouldn’t have. The life with the woman that he loves. Stopping he realized he was close to the gazebo….a place where on a night like tonight he’d dance with said woman, a place that once was happy….was now tarnished by the death of a young girl….a girl that mattered so much to the woman he loved. He lifted his face towards the sky and let the rain wash away the tears he knew had been falling since he’d left his apartment. Hearing a noise he looked straight ahead and locked eyes with the woman who was never far from his thoughts.

“Robin.” He said softly. “What are you doing out here?”

“I um….I don’t know.” She told him. “I just needed some air.”

“It’s pouring.”

“I know.” She said “I um I have to go.” She told him not trusting herself to talk to him after everything that had happened this week.

“I miss you.” He told her as she started to walk away. “I know my actions of late don’t show it, but I do.”

Robin stopped in her tracks and turned around to look at him. “I miss you too.” She said before once again turning away.

When you're gone
The pieces of my heart are missing you
When you're gone
The face I came to know is missing too
When you're gone
The words I need to hear to always get me through the day and make it ok
I miss you

“I love you.” He said stopping her once again, not really able to just let her walk away from him again.

“I’m pregnant.” She said not able to stop herself.

Patrick stared at her with wide eyes. He couldn’t’ believe she’d done it. She’d actually gone out and gotten pregnant with a strangers baby. Hanging his head down he felt tears form in his eyes and felt his heart shatter at the fact that it was truly over.

“It’s yours.” She said before quickly walking away.

Patrick lifted his head and stared after her retreating form in shock……he wasn’t sure he’d heard her correctly. He could have sworn she’d said it was his……and in that one small moment Patrick felt as if his entire world had just been turned upside down. Finally finding the power to move he’d started after her. He needed to know if she’d said what she had…..because if so things were definitely about to change.


*Song When You’re Gone by Avril Lavigne