Sunday, October 26, 2008

Letters to Muffin (Part 5)

Part 5:

Noah sat staring at the page that was earmarked for him. The page where he was supposed to impart some wisdom to his granddaughter. The problem was words were not his strong suit, they were Mattie’s. They always had been. The last letter he had written had been his resignation from the hospital in Georgia he’d been working in. He’d tried writing letters to his son during their time apart, but could never get the right words to come out, so he’d just let the miles grow between them. They would still be at odds with each other, or he would be dead if this fiery brunette hadn’t forced her way into their lives and found a way to make them reconcile. He would always be thankful to Robin for so many things, the most important being the chance to be a true grandfather to the child she was having with his son.

Taking a deep breath he picked up his pen and adjusted the journal on the desk before him.

My beloved granddaughter,

Ya know I never thought I’d get to say the word granddaughter. I was pretty sure that either my son wouldn’t let me in his child’s life, or he wouldn’t have a child. But life is full of surprises and not only am I getting to be in my son’s life, I get to be in yours as well. You see for a long time your father and I didn’t get along. There was way to much pain between us. You see your grandmother Mattie passed away while I was operating on her, and I couldn’t face your father. So I walked out of the hospital and out of his life. Sure we saw each other, but it was as if we were strangers, not father and son. I let Mattie down and most of all I let your father down. But your mother changed that. Your mother brought us back together, and I will forever be grateful to her for that.

Your mother is a force to be reckoned with. She was determined to get your father and I talking and well she succeeded. Finally after all these years I have my son back. And now I’m getting a granddaughter. To tell you the truth I’m a bit nervous about that. I know nothing about little girls. You see your father is an only child, and well he’s a boy. A boy I know I can play race cars with, but girls, girls want to have tea parties and play with dolls….and as much as I know nothing about them….I promise you here and now this grandfather will be at every tea party you have. I’ll sit in those little chairs, and drink imaginary tea out of the cutest tea seat any little girl could ask for. Because I’m going to spoil you rotten. It’s what grandfathers do; just don’t tell your mother and father.

I have to admit muffin, still think that is a ridiculous name to call you that I was seriously at a loss for words after your mother asked me to write this letter. I wasn’t sure what to say. I’ve never been good with words, just ask your father. But this is important to your mother, and something that you will have with you for the rest of your life, so I am doing this. It might not be the best letter in the book, but it’s written in love. And love my granddaughter is something you will never ever lack. There are so many people that love you already. I’m sure that there are letters in here that already talk about how big your extended family is. You see your mother is beloved in this town and because of that you will be too, and trust me when I tell you that it’s not a bad thing.

As I was sitting here thinking of what to say to you I realized that I should tell you about your grandma Mattie. It really sucks that you will never get to meet her, but I’m sure you will be like her, especially since your mother is. It’s weird, but when I look at your mother, I see so much of my Mattie in her, and I wonder if that is what drew your father to her. Whatever it was that drew him in, I’m just glad he embraced it and didn’t run away. Your mother and father were destined to be together, you can see it in the way they love each other. It is the kind of love I had with your grandmother. The kind of love that lasts for all time.

Your grandmother was the love of my life. She was brave, funny, and beautiful, full of life, and never took any of mine or your fathers crap. She called us on our behavior at every turn. She taught me how to love, just as your mother taught your father. Mattie was the best thing to ever happen to me, she made me a better person. I realize that now, after everything that I have been through after she died, I can honestly say that I let her down. I wasn’t the better person; I wallowed in my pain and pushed your father away. And trust me I thank God everyday that he forgave me and let me into his life. Mattie would be happy that we are talking and that I will get to tell you stories of your grandmother. In fact I know that Mattie would be overjoyed to be having a granddaughter. It’s what she wanted for your father. She wanted him to find the woman he was meant to be with, the woman he couldn’t live without and make a future with her, and your father has done that. He found your mother and they are having you and starting their future together.

I hope if nothing else that what you learn from your parents, and even from me, is how important love is. Love is the foundation of life. It’s the best feeling in the world. And I hope that one day, when you are older, say around 30 when your father finally lets you start dating, that you find your one true love. That you get to experience the love your parents have, the love I had with Mattie. Because Muffin, if you can experience that, then I know that you will be happy. Always follow your dreams muffin, even if that means that you aren’t a doctor like your parents……find what makes you happy and go for it. Achieve what you want out of life….but always make time to find your true love, because your life will be so much better for it.

I wanted to include something in this letter, something of your grandmother. So when I was looking for a picture of your father in an old box of photos that I had put in storage years ago, I came across a copy of one of your grandmother’s favorite poems. So I thought that I would include that in my letter, partially because it’s from your grandmother and partially because it was inside a card I gave her on our 10th wedding anniversary.

I carry your heart with me

I carry your heart with me(I carry it in
my heart)I am never without it(anywhere
I go you go, my dear; and whatever is done
by only me is your doing, my darling)
I fear no fate(for you are my fate, my sweet)I want
no world(for beautiful you are my world, my true)
and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you
here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life; which grows
higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart
I carry your heart(I carry it in my heart)
By E.E. Cummings

I had found this poem in a book of poetry that your grandmother was always reading. The page that this was on was marked with the corner folded down, so I knew it was one of her favorites. So I copied it into a card for her, and this became a tradition. Every year around our anniversary she would mark another poem in this book and it would become the wording for her anniversary card from me. It was one of the many traditions that your grandmother and I started, and one of the many many things that I loved about her.

I promise that once you are a little older I will tell you all about your grandmother, I have the family picture albums to show you too. I love you granddaughter, and I can’t wait to meet you.

Love always and forever,

Grandpa Noah.

Noah shut the journal and placed his pen beside it. He knew if he went back and read it that he would want to change it, and he’d always told Patrick to go with his first instinct, so he was going to go with the fact that he felt that his letter, short as it was, was good enough. The rest of what he needed to say he’d tell her after she was born. Pushing himself back from his desk he started to walk to the kitchen when there was a knock on his door. Opening it he smiled when he saw his son on the other side.

“Hey.” Patrick said smiling as he walked into his father’s apartment.

“Hi.” Noah said. “If you are here for the journal your timing is great. I just finished my letter.”

“I came for that, but also to give you this.” He said handing him a piece of paper.

“Wow.” Noah said staring at the sonogram photo that Patrick had handed him. “She’s getting big.”

“Well she is due any day now.” Patrick smirked. “And trust me Robin is more than ready.”

“I bet.” Noah said as they sat down on the couch. “By eight and half months your mother was more than ready for you to be born. You were a big baby and you made your mother very uncomfortable for the last few weeks. I never saw a woman cheer about her water breaking before. I mean your mother was so excited she forgot to be scared.”

“She wasn’t scared at all about giving birth?” Patrick asked him.

“Not at frist.” Noah said. “But once she got to the hospital and the contractions started getting worse, then all bets were off.” He said with a laugh. “But it didn’t last long. The moment your mother saw you, she couldn’t stop smiling.”

“What about you?”

“I had never felt so much love and pride as I did the moment they handed you to your mother and I saw you lying in her arms. All peaceful and content.” He said. “You know what I’m talking about when they put your daughter in Robin’s arms for the first time. This feeling of calm protectiveness will suddenly appear.” He said. “But at the same time this unending love will swell up inside you. You will instantly fall in love with your child and fall even harder for Robin.” He told his son. “I swear to you I have never loved your mother more than I did the day you were born.”

“I can’t wait.” Patrick said. “I want to meet her. I want to see if she looks like Robin. God I hope she looks like Robin. Then I get two of her. Two perfect Robin’s to love.” He said with a smile.

“I am so proud of you Patrick.” Noah said. “And your mother would be too. You are them an she wanted you to be.”

“I wish she was here.” Patrick said. “I wish she was going to get to meet her granddaughter.”

“I do too.” Noah replied. “But I promise you that between the two of us, your daughter will know your mother.”

“I know.” He said standing up and gripping the journal in his hands. “I love you dad.”

“I love you too son.” Noah said as he hugged his son. “I love you too.”

TBC…………………Up next Brenda.


Anonymous,  October 26, 2008 at 6:08 PM  

Beautiful as usual April.


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