Believe

Title: Believe
Author: Steph aka LicksHisLips
Rating: PG
Pairing: Robin/Patrick
Category: Drama/Romance
Disclaimer: I do this out of a love for the show. No infringement is intended.
Spoilers: Nope.
Summary: Continuation of NS episode 3. Patrick shares with Robin why he believes not every man is cut out to be a father, including himself.

Note: This was written after episode 3 and before episode 4 aired. I’m hoping episode 4 was a step in the right direction for Robin and Patrick. I’m all for Scrubs being angsty, as long as it’s done in a believable, logical way with them. I don’t think any of us are asking for everything to be solved and tied up in a nice, neat ribbon in one episode. But I don’t think it’s too much to ask for an honest conversation about their true feelings about being parents. Anyway, I wanted to dig a little deeper into Patrick’s thoughts about being a father. We don’t know much about his mother, so I thought it would be interesting to add a little backstory for her, which touches upon this issue of parenthood. So, hope you enjoy it and please let me know what you thought. ~Steph




--- Believe: Part 1/1 ---



Patrick stood in his apartment, gazing out the window. This had always been his mother’s favorite part of the day. She would actually set her alarm so that she could see the sun rise into the sky. Every morning, she sat on a balcony outside her bedroom, drank a cup of coffee, and watched as a new day began. Noah and Patrick had always thought she was insane. They could barely drag themselves out of bed at the incessant blaring of their alarm clocks.

As Robin entered the living room, she spotted Patrick standing by the window. She slowly approached him, taking her spot by his side. Her eyes scanned his face for a long moment. She had learned to read his moods over the course of their relationship. She knew when he wanted her to prod him, ask him what was wrong. She knew when he wanted to be left alone. She knew when all he needed was to hold her in his arms. And she knew when he just needed her to listen.

His eyes remained focused on the sky as he finally spoke. “Did I ever tell you how my parents met?” Robin shook her head, as he went on. “My father was consulting on this baby who came into the ER. The kid wasn’t even a year old yet. He had lost consciousness and his parents had rushed him to the hospital. They said that he had fallen and hit his head on the coffee table earlier in the day while he was trying to walk, but they had put ice on it and he had seemed fine. When my father examined him, he determined that he had suffered a concussion. But when he inspected the blow to his head, he believed that it was consistent with blunt head trauma delivered with significant force. He suspected abuse and notified the police. My mother was a social worker for DCF and she was assigned the case. That’s how they met.”

Patrick turned away from the window and moved to the couch, taking a seat on the edge. Robin followed a moment later and sat down beside him. “My mother worked for DCF for over twenty years. She encountered horror story after horror story. She used to say that there are licenses to drive, get married, tend bar, style hair, go hunting and fishing in certain areas. But the most important job, the most important thing someone could ever do, the hardest thing in the world…and there’s nothing. Anyone can be a parent. There’s no training or license required. You don’t have to take a course or pass a test. She saw how neglected and abused some children were and it broke her heart.”

“That’s a very difficult job to do,” Robin said.

Patrick nodded. “Yes, it is. She told me that when she first started working for DCF, she had this idealistic notion that she was going to help every child, save so many lives. And she helped a lot of kids and I’m sure she saved some lives along the way, but for every kid she got out of a bad situation, there were ten more that ended up right back where they started. That little boy that my father treated and whose case my mother worked on, went into foster care for three days after being released from the hospital. But the police said they couldn’t prove that his injuries were inflicted intentionally and the law had my mother’s hands tied. She had to send him back to his parents.” Patrick sighed, as tears filled his eyes. “A week after being returned to his parents, an ambulance brought him back to the hospital and my father treated him again. This time his skull had been crushed and his face was barely recognizable. My father tried to operate on him, but he was a lost cause from the start. He said that having to tell my mother when she arrived was one of the hardest things he ever had to do because he saw in her eyes how much she cared.” Patrick slowly released a breath. “But out of that tragedy came something good because that was really the beginning for them. My father asked my mother if she wanted to go for a cup of coffee and talk and she agreed. They stayed up all night just talking and the rest is history.”

Robin reached out and took Patrick’s hands in hers. “Your father and mother did everything they could to help that little boy.”

“His parents served a couple of years in prison,” Patrick said, shaking his head. “They stole their own son’s chance at life and all they lost was a few years of their pathetic ones. I just…I don’t understand. I don’t understand how you can have a child and end up hurting it so badly. Or end up hating that child so much that you’re actually happy that he may have sustained a serious brain injury.”

Robin sighed heavily. “Patrick, you know better than anyone how complicated parental relationships can be. My guess is that Jared’s father was scared out of his mind that he might not get a second chance with his son and it was easier to lash out than face that fear.”

Patrick met her eyes. “Or maybe he had no right to be a father in the first place, Robin.”

Robin’s eyes narrowed at him. “This isn’t really about Jared and his father, is it? This is about you, about us.”

Patrick slipped his hands out from beneath hers and rubbed one across his tired eyes.

“Let’s not do this right now,” he whispered.

“I think we have to,” she replied.



Patrick sighed heavily, as he lowered his gaze to his lap. “I know you want to have kids someday. I know you want to be a mother. I’ve seen the way your whole face lights up when you’re near a baby. I heard the excitement, the hope, in your voice when you told me about Stacey.”

A lump formed in Robin’s throat, as she nodded. “You’re right, I do want to be a mother someday.”

“And I want that for you. I know how happy that would make you,” he responded, raising his eyes up to meet hers. “Robin, I know you would be an incredible mother and that any child would be lucky to have you.”

“But,” Robin prompted after a moment of silence.

Patrick stared at her for a long moment, as he licked at his dry lips. “But I just don’t think I’m cut out to be a father. A father has to put his child first. I’m completely self-absorbed.”

Robin shook her head. “That’s not true. A completely self-absorbed person wouldn’t have risked his life and career to save his father. Or to save an HIV positive patient. Or to save me while I lay dying in that hotel lobby.”

Patrick shook his head, dropping his eyes. “So, I’ve had my moments. They’re isolated, Robin. They’re do or die. You know I thrive on that kind of pressure. I like to be the hero, whether it’s in the operating room or elsewhere. It’s all about my ego.”

Robin brought her hand up to his cheek, forcing his gaze back to hers. “You weren’t thinking about your ego when you saved your father. You were scared to death that you wouldn’t get a second chance with him and you wanted to do anything you could to help him. You weren’t thinking about your ego when you made the split-second decision to save April’s life. And you certainly weren’t thinking about your ego when you rushed that building and pleaded with Craig to let you help me, even offering to take my place. You did those things because you are a good, caring human being who has more love to give than he even realizes.

Patrick offered her a tender smile. “You always see the good in me.”

“It’s not hard to see,” she replied softly. She then added with a grim, “Well, at least not anymore.” She paused and then went on, as her grin faded. “When your father, April, and I needed you, Patrick, you were right there, doing everything in your power to help us. That was selfless and that’s what it takes to be a good father.”

Patrick shook his head back and forth. “What you say might be true, Robin, but it doesn’t mean that I have what it takes to be selfless on a daily basis. To make constant sacrifices for a child, to put that child ahead of everything else. That’s what it takes to be a good father and no child deserves any less.” Patrick felt his throat go dry and his voice suddenly became husky. “You are going to be an amazing mother and you deserve to have someone who is going to be a real partner with you. Who is going to share in the responsibilities equally. Robin, anyone can be a great parent when it’s easy. When the kid listens to you, gives you a hug for no reason, curls up on your lap and falls asleep. But what about the day-to-day stuff? When they don’t listen to a word you say, when they’re making you pull your hair out, and they can no longer melt your heart with their cuteness. Then what? What do you do then?”

“You love them,” Robin said simply. “And you wait for the next unexpected moment of joy that makes you remember why it’s all worth it.”

Patrick took a deep breath, as he looked into her eyes. “But sometimes it doesn’t matter what you do. In the end, things can still go wrong. I had a great relationship with my father growing up. If you had told me then that we’d end up like we did, I would have laughed. Robin, sometimes all it takes is one life-changing event to make everything crumble. My family didn’t work without my mother. My father didn’t know how to function and, when I needed him the most, he wasn’t there. It was the worst time in my life and my father abandoned me.”

“He was too consumed by his own guilt and grief, Patrick.”

“Exactly,” he replied. “He stopped being a father and became a man who had lost the love of his life. It didn’t matter that he had a son who needed him. He could only focus on himself. His loss. His pain.”

Robin watched as tears welled up in Patrick’s eyes and, for the first time, she understood what this was really all about.

She felt her chest tighten at she looked at him and suddenly found herself blinking back her own tears. “You’re afraid that will be you someday,” she whispered, as Patrick’s gaze focused on her. “I have HIV and, while I’m fine now, there’s no telling what the future holds. You’re scared that if we have a child together, that one day you’ll have to raise him or her on your own. And you’re afraid that no matter what kind of father you’ve been, what kind of relationship you have with our child, that it will all come crashing down. You’re terrified that if that day ever comes you’ll fail our child the way your father failed you.”

Patrick stared at her for a moment that seemed to drag on, then replied, “There’s not a doubt in my mind that if that day ever came, I would follow right in my father’s footsteps.”

Robin tilted her head. “But why, Patrick? We’ve been over this. You’re not your father.”

Patrick swiped at a tear in the corner of his eye with his thumb. “Because when I was standing outside that hotel thinking I might never see you alive again, I understood my father for the first time. I understood how he was so consumed by the loss of my mother that he drowned himself in alcohol. Robin, I knew in that moment that if I ever lost you, the same thing would happen to me. And it really hit me for the first time that with this disease inside of you how real that possibility is. Now, if it had happened that night, I would have only had myself to worry about. But in the future, with kids to consider, kids who would be grieving for their own mother, who I would be solely responsible for….losing myself in my own grief would mean failing them. It wouldn’t matter how wonderful a father I had been up to that point. It wouldn’t matter how great my relationship with our kids had been. I would fail them and they would end up resenting me. I would alienate the only pieces of you that I had left: our children.” Patrick swallowed roughly, as he looked at her with tears shining in his eyes. “But the worst part would be knowing that I failed you. That you trusted me to take care of our children, to be there for them, and I let you down. I wouldn’t be able to live with that. I wouldn’t be able to live with myself.”

Patrick lowered his eyes, as Robin took his hands in hers again.

“Look at me, please,” she said. Slowly, he lifted his eyes back to hers. Robin took a deep breath before going on. “I can’t predict what the future holds. I can’t promise you that I won’t be forced to leave you one day. But what I can promise you is that living the present being afraid of a hypothetical future isn’t really living at all. Patrick, we wasted a long time letting our fears rule us. I don’t want to do that again. The biggest tragedy I can imagine would be letting our fears, the unknown, the uncontrollable, stop us from creating a wonderful life together.”

“Robin,” Patrick whispered, shaking his head.

“I’m not done,” she said. “I want to be a mother someday and I could do it on my own. I know it would be hard, but I could do it. The problem is every time I imagine having a child now, I see you. I see you holding our baby and rocking it to sleep. I see you playing racecars with him or her. I see you teaching our child to ride a bike and throw a curve ball. Patrick, before you, whenever I imagined having a child, I couldn’t get very far. My own fears and worries would take a hold of me and I could never get a clear picture. But, now, when I think about it, I see you. And I see our child with that killer dimpled smile of yours.”

Patrick laughed lightly and then squeezed Robin’s hands in his, as he whispered, “Do you really believe I can do it? I mean, no matter what happens, do you really believe I can be the father our children deserve?”

Robin nodded, as she wrapped her arms around his neck and met his eyes, “Yes, I do because I believe in you. I believe in you when you don’t believe in yourself. That’s what love is all about, Patrick.”

He smiled and leaned forward, pressing a kiss to her temple. He then pulled her close to him and shut his eyes. He only hoped that one day soon he would believe in himself the way she did.

--------------------------THE END---------------------------
Thanks for reading! Hope you enjoyed it and please let me know what you thought.
-Steph

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Proud

Title: Proud
Author: Steph aka LicksHisLips (ILUVNYYANK@aol.com)
Rating: PG
Pairing: Robin/Patrick, Patrick/Noah
Category: Drama/Romance
Disclaimer: I do this out of a love for the show. No infringement is intended.
Spoilers: Nope
Summary: Robin helps Patrick work through some of his issues with his father.

Note: I was inspired to write this after Friday’s (6/29) episode when some of Patrick’s issues with his father resurfaced. I’d really like to see Noah and Patrick work through some of their issues and I’m hoping that Robin will help them do that someday soon. Hope you enjoy it and please let me know what you thought. ~Steph


--- Proud: Part 1/1 ---


Robin stared at Patrick as they ate in the hospital cafeteria, largely ignoring the chicken sandwich in front of her. He could feel her eyes on him and finally looked up from his plate of spaghetti.

“What?” he asked, his brow furrowing in curiosity.

She shook her head. “Nothing.”

Patrick sighed and dropped his fork. “Robin, you’ve never once said ‘nothing’ and meant it. Come on, tell me. What’s on your mind?”

Robin gnawed on her lower lip thoughtfully. “No, we’ll just end up in a fight and I really don’t want to ruin this perfectly nice lunch we’re having together.”

Patrick leaned forward, pointing a finger at her. “I thought you were the one who said you didn’t want to have the kind of relationship where we don’t speak our mind just to keep the peace.”

Robin tilted her head to the side and let out a soft breath. “Okay, just remember you asked.” She paused for a long moment as Patrick’s eyes focused on her. “Although you’ve come a long way, you still hold so much resentment toward your father. You still compete with him and don’t trust his surgical abilities. This afternoon, you were insulted when I said you remind me of him sometimes and you said that he’s the last person you want to be like.”

Patrick dropped his eyes to the table, suddenly regretting the fact that he had asked what was on her mind.



“Is there a point to this summary of my feelings toward my father?” he asked quietly, attempting to keep the sharpness out of his voice.

She nodded her head firmly. “Yes, there is. I realize you two have quite a history and many issues. I know that you have valid reasons for feeling the way that you do toward your father. I guess I just don’t understand why you can’t put that aside and be proud of him.”

Patrick raised his eyebrows. “Proud of him? You mean for the surgeries he performs?”

Robin shook her head. “No, proud of how he’s fought his addiction to alcohol and rebuilt his career.”

Patrick stared at her for a moment that seemed to drag on for an eternity. He finally swallowed hard, as he ran a hand through his hair. “I…uh…I am proud of him.”

Robin’s forehead creased and she allowed a scoff to pass through her lips. “You could fool me. The way you speak about him and treat him doesn’t exactly scream pride.”

“Well, I am,” he replied softly, his attention focused on pushing his spaghetti around his plate.

“Patrick, do you have any idea how hard it is to fight an addiction to alcohol? He made the effort and attends AA meetings regularly. He worked hard to rebuild his reputation. Yet you always seem to be waiting for him to fail, waiting for him to crash and burn all over again. It's like you expect it.”

“That’s because I do,” he replied sharply, his head snapping up and his gaze meeting hers.

“Why?” she asked.

“The same reason you always expect your parents to leave every time they reappear in your life. Because it’s happened before.” Patrick released a drawn out breath. “Look, my father has tried this before. He’s gone to rehab and AA. And every time he came back and said this time would be different. This time, he wouldn’t go back to his old ways. But every time, without fail, he did. He would have a rough day or something would remind him of my mother and he would end up in a bar drinking himself numb. Then he’d try to stumble into the O.R. and operate.”

Robin reached across the table and linked her fingers with Patrick’s. “I understand why you’re afraid it could happen again, but your father has been sober for over a year now, Patrick. We’re not talking days or weeks or months. That’s an achievement. That’s something to be proud of him for. I think he realizes how much he stands to lose this time. He finally has you back in his life and you two are building a tentative relationship. He doesn’t want to ruin that and he doesn’t want to trash the career he’s worked so hard to rebuild.”

Patrick licked at his lips. “If you asked my father, he would tell you that not a day has passed that he hasn’t wanted a drink. He would tell you it’s a daily struggle and that he has to approach it on a day-by-day basis. And I would say that at any moment he could slip. Any day could be the day when he can’t resist.”

Robin pursed her lips. “I’m sure you’re right. But wouldn’t it be better to support him and let him know how proud you are of him for what he has accomplished? Wouldn’t knowing that he has your love and support make it easier for him to continue to beat this addiction?”

“It can’t be about me. It has to be about him.”

“But whether you like it or not, his main motivation was to rebuild his relationship with you.”

Patrick squeezed his eyes closed. “I’m just afraid to put my trust in him again. I’m afraid to believe in him completely again, only to have him fail me once more. I just…I don’t think I could do it again, Robin.”

Robin nodded her head. “I understand feeling that way. I’ve had people that I love and trust fail me over and over again and it’s made me reluctant to risk my heart. But I’m trying to do better. I’m trying to focus on the present and the future, rather than live in the past. Patrick, if there’s one thing I’ve learned, it’s that we can’t change the past. But we have some control over the present and the future. You can keep living in the past and waiting for your father to revert to his old ways, or you can try to believe in him and trust in him again. The choice is yours.”

Patrick felt a smile tugging at the corners of his lips. “You know how it pains me to admit when you’re right.”

Robin laughed. “Oh, I know.” As the laugh faded, she met his eyes and squeezed his hand in hers. “I told you earlier that you remind me of your father sometimes. You took that as an insult, but I meant it in the best possible way. You’re both brilliant and strong and kind and willing to fight for what you believe is right.” She paused and allowed a smile to spread across her lips. “And when you love a woman, she can tell every time she looks in your eyes.”

Patrick offered her a grin, as he leaned across the table and placed a kiss on her lips.

---

Patrick entered the locker room, his gaze landing on his father. He dropped his eyes, as an uncomfortable feeling swept over him. Noah looked up to greet his son, but quickly turned his attention back to buttoning his shirt when he saw Patrick’s demeanor.

Patrick moved to his locker and began to change. His father finished changing and offered him a slight nod of his head before making his way to the door. He hadn’t even crossed the threshold yet, when Patrick’s voice stopped him in his tracks.

“Dad?”

Noah spun around to face his son. “Yes?”

Patrick’s mouth hung open, as he stared at his father blankly. He wasn’t sure what he was going to say, but he felt an overwhelming need to say something to him.

Noah’s brow wrinkled in confusion. “Did you want something, Patrick?”

Patrick swallowed hard and forced his head to move up and down. “Yeah,” he managed to say.

Noah took a few steps toward him, crossing his arms over his chest. He looked at his son expectantly, waiting patiently for him to speak.

“Well?” he finally said with a shrug of his shoulders.

Patrick licked at his lips, as he lowered his eyes to the linoleum. “I…uh…I was talking to Robin today. She…well, we got into an argument this morning because she gave you a patient that she first offered to me. She hates how competitive I am with you. And I admitted that I still don’t completely trust you in the O.R.”

Noah’s eyes widened. “Oh,” he said softly.

Patrick slowly lifted his head and met his father’s gaze. “I guess I’m always waiting for you to repeat your mistakes, to revert to your old ways. Because of that, I haven’t really treated you fairly. I haven’t given you the credit you deserve. I know it hasn’t been easy fighting your addiction to alcohol and it’s been difficult to rebuild your career and reputation. But you have. And I just wanted to say…I just wanted you to know…” Patrick ran his hands down his face and offered his father a sheepish smile. “This is harder than I expected,” he mumbled. He took a deep breath and looked Noah right in the eye. “I just wanted you to know that I am proud of you.”

Noah’s eyebrows arched in surprise. He was left momentarily speechless. When he finally recovered from his shock, he managed a slight smile. “Wow, uh, thank you. That means a lot to me, Patrick.”

Patrick shrugged his shoulders. “You should be thanking Robin. She made me see that I haven’t been fair to you and that you deserve my support.”

Noah’s smile widened. “I knew there was a reason I liked her.” Noah’s smile slowly slipped away. “Look, Patrick, I can’t promise you that I won’t slip up one day. This is a fight I will be waging for the rest of my life. But knowing I have you on my side will make it easier. I think of you every time I feel that urge and although you probably didn’t realize it, you’re the reason I’ve made it this far.”

Patrick placed his hands on his hips, as he forced his eyes to remain on his father. “You know, Robin said I remind her of you sometimes. Of course I reacted badly to that comparison. I said that you were the last person I wanted to be like.” Noah sucked in a breath, but maintained eye contact with his son. “But, the truth is, I wouldn’t be a doctor today if it weren’t for you. When I was a kid, I wanted to be just like you. I wanted to be a successful doctor and a good man. For a long time, I thought that I had become those things inspite of you. But I was wrong. You led by example my entire childhood and you’re leading by example now. Being with Robin has taught me that we can’t expect those we love to be perfect; we can’t expect that they won’t make mistakes. And loving people means loving and supporting them through everything – the good and the bad.”

Noah shook his head, as a grin appeared on his lips. “That woman sure has done you some good.”

Patrick nodded his head, smiling brightly, “You have no idea.”

Noah tilted his head. “I have some idea. Someone came into my life a long time ago and did the same for me.”

“Oh yeah? What happened to the person?”

Noah shrugged his shoulders and smiled. “I married her.”

Patrick chuckled, as Noah placed his arm around his son’s shoulders and they headed out of the locker room together.

---

Robin’s head rested comfortably in Patrick’s lap, as they sat on the couch in his apartment watching a movie. He ran his fingers through her silky hair, his eyes moving across the beautiful features of her face. The movie was half over and he couldn’t have told you a thing about it. His attention had been focused on her and how lucky he was to have her.

“I talked to my father,” he said quietly.

Robin removed her eyes from the television, rolled onto her back, and looked up at him.

“You did?”

“Yeah.”

“How did it go?” she asked, as she found his hand and entwined their fingers.

He offered her a lopsided grin. “In the end, it wasn’t as painful as I expected it to be.”

Robin smiled. “That’s good. What did you say?”

“I told him what we discussed. Then I told him I was proud of him.”

Robin lifted her free hand and cupped his cheek, as she whispered, “And I couldn’t be any more proud of you.”

Patrick’s eyes began to twinkle. “You know, when I was in school and the teacher was proud of something we did, she would reward us in some way.”

“Let me check my purse for a sheet of gold stars,” she said, as she made a move to get up.

Patrick’s strong arm coiled around her waist and pulled her back down onto his lap.

He met her eyes, as he slowly lowered his lips closer to hers. “I was thinking you could maybe think of a more creative way to show me just how proud you really are.”

“Hmm,” she said, as she tapped her temple thoughtfully and his lips hung temptingly close. “I think that can be arranged,” she replied softly, lifting her head and closing the distance between them.

----------------------------THE END---------------------------------
Thanks for reading! Hope you enjoy it and please let me know what you thought. -Steph

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Worthy

Title: Worthy
Author: Steph aka LickHisLips
Rating: PG
Pairing: Robin/Patrick, Noah/Patrick/Noah/Robin
Category: Romance/Drama
Disclaimer: I do this out of a love for this couple. No infringement is intended.
Spoilers: Nope
Summary: Follow-up to Friday’s (June 1st) episode. Noah tries to help Robin and Patrick work through their issues.

Note: I felt like we needed a follow-up to Friday’s scenes, as I’m sure many of you did. I also felt like I hadn’t been loving Noah lately (when I usually adore him) and that he needed to be redeemed a bit. So, here’s what came from that. Hope you enjoy it and please me know what you thought. -Steph


--- Worthy: Part 1/1 ---


Robin pushed her food around her plate, as she stared at it blankly. Cafeteria food never got her appetite going as it was, but today it wouldn’t have mattered if a gourmet meal was before her. Her mind was a million miles away and incapable of focusing on anything.

“Meatloaf not doing anything for you today?” a familiar voice sounded above her, pulling her from her thoughts.

Robin’s head snapped up and met Noah’s eyes. She shrugged her shoulders and dropped her fork down on the plate. “Not very hungry I guess.”

“Mind if I join you?” he asked, nodding to the vacant chair beside her.

“Be my guest,” she replied.

Noah sat down and immediately began attacking his mashed potatoes. Robin picked up her fork again and began pushing the meatloaf around the plate.

Noah eyed her for a few long moments, before finally speaking. “Are you okay?”

Robin raised her eyes and met his, as she nodded. “Yeah, of course. Why wouldn’t I be?”

“You’re unusually quiet, that’s all.”

“Just tired,” she said dropping her eyes to the table.

Noah let out a sigh and placed his fork down. “Huh, what do you know. Patrick was right.”

Robin’s brow furrowed as she met his eyes again. “Right about what?”

“He told me once that you’re a terrible liar. Now I see what he means.” Noah shook his head. “Come on, tell me what’s wrong. Who knows, I may actually be able to help.”

Robin stared at him for a long moment, then blew out a breath. “Well, that all depends on whether or not you have the power to change a part of your son which seems to be innate.”

Noah rolled his eyes heavenward. “What did he do now?”



Robin folded her arms across her chest. “Nothing really. It’s just…he has this way about him. I mean, you know. You’ve witnessed it. He has this flirty personality. Before we got together, he was overtly flirty with every woman he came in contact with. I know a lot of it was to get a reaction out of me, but even now he has this way of interacting with women that just comes off as this subtle flirtation sometimes.”

Noah smiled slightly. “And it’s driving you insane.”

Robin nodded. “Completely. He doesn’t see it. He thinks I’m being insecure and overly sensitive. And I don’t know, maybe I am to some degree.” Robin lowered her eyes and picked up her napkin, twisting it between her fingers. “He doesn’t understand. I see the way every woman looks at him. They all want him and who could blame them. He’s gorgeous and brilliant and successful and caring and funny and, more often than not, very sweet.”

“You’re afraid of losing him,” Noah stated quietly.

Robin raised her eyes up to him. “I know it’s ridiculous. I trust Patrick and I know he would never be unfaithful to me. Since we’ve been together, he’s told me over and over again how much he loves me. I look into his eyes and I can see that love. I can see how deep and true it is.” She paused and took a deep breath. “But there’s still that little part of me that expects this all to end someday. I’ve learned the hard way that love and happiness always end, so why should this time be any different? I keep waiting for the day when he’ll wake up and realize that my control freak ways and overanalyzing are too much for him. Or my little quirks that he once thought were cute and endearing, he’ll just find annoying.” Robin’s voice lowered. “I’m waiting for the moment he realizes I’m not enough for him and that he could have any woman in this world.”

Noah tilted his head. “And you’re convinced this day will eventually come? That it’s inevitable?”

Robin nodded her response, but didn’t meet his eyes.

Noah leaned forward, crossing his arms in front of him on the table. “That’s why you’re so reluctant to move back in with him, right?”

Robin felt the tears begin to sting her eyes. She lifted her head and met Noah’s gaze. “Once I move in with him, it’s only a matter of time until he grows tired of me. I guess I just want to hold onto him, onto what we have, for as long as possible.”

“Have you told Patrick any of this?”

“Not in so many words,” she replied softly.

“Well,” Noah began, as he reached out and patted her hand gently, “maybe it’s about time you did.”

“He won’t understand. He’ll think I’m being ridiculous.”

Noah sighed softly. “Give him a chance, Robin. He might surprise you.” He paused and then looked her right in the eye. “Look, I know I’ve been hard on you two lately, but the truth is I know that you two have found what everyone’s looking for. You’ve found real, true love. Everyone always thinks the hardest part is finding it. And if they’re lucky enough to find it, then they breathe a sigh of relief and think the hardest part is over when it’s really just beginning. Learning to live with each other, to accept one another’s flaws, that’s the hardest part. It takes work. You have to be willing to compromise and listen and give each other some leeway.”

Robin nodded. “You speak from experience.”

“I speak from hard-earned experience,” he replied with a slight smile. “Listen, this whole love and relationship thing is entirely new to my son. Believe me when I tell you he never expected to fall in love and he’s still finding his way. But he loves you more than anything in this world, Robin. I saw what it did to him when he nearly lost you during the hostage crisis. There’s nothing you could ever say or do that would ever make him want to let you go. There’s not a woman on earth who could take your place in his life and in his heart.”

Robin smiled slightly, as Noah squeezed her hand.

---

Noah entered the locker room, his eyes landing on his son, who stood in front of his locker changing into his street clothes.

“You know, for someone who claims to be brilliant, you sure can be dense.”

Patrick’s head whipped in the direction of his father’s voice. He let out a sigh and rolled his eyes. “Maybe you can save the insults and scolding for tomorrow. I’m tired and Robin’s waiting for me.”

Patrick closed his locker and attempted to sidestep his father, but Noah placed his hand on his son’s chest, halting his movement.

“It’s about you and Robin,” Noah said.

Patrick offered him a crooked smile. “Me and Robin? Aren’t you the same guy who was chiding us about keeping our personal and professional relationships separate? Now you want to have a little heart-to-heart right here in the locker room?”

Noah met his eyes. “I want to help you before you screw up the best thing to ever happen to you.”

Patrick’s mouth dropped open slightly. He blew out a soft breath, “What are you talking about?”

“Have you been listening to your girlfriend lately?”

Patrick’s brow furrowed. “Listening to Robin? Of course. What are you-…”

“I mean, really listening, Patrick. I was married to your mother for a long time. Let me give you the benefit of what I learned the hard way. One of the keys to a successful relationship is hearing the things that go unsaid, finding the subtext, deciphering what she really means when she says something.”

Patrick stared at his father for a long moment, then ran a hand through his hair and blew out an agitated sigh. He slowly sank down onto the bench and was joined a moment later by his father.

“So I’m expected to be a mind reader?”

“You’re expected to be conscious of the fact that sometimes there’s more to her than it seems.”

“This is about those cheerleaders and that nurse, isn’t it?” he said to Noah.

“No, Patrick, this is about the woman you love and how she feels.”

Patrick’s face twisted in confusion. “What makes you an expert on how my girlfriend feels all of the sudden?”

“Because I just talked to her. And I listened to her. Really listened to her. I didn’t just dismiss her feelings because I don’t want to try to understand them or because I don’t want to see the part I play in them.”

“I don’t dismiss Robin’s feelings.”

Noah cocked his head to the right. “Oh no? Look, you may think she’s being overly sensitive or overreacting to a situation, but that doesn’t change how she feels. It’s coming from some place real, Patrick, or she wouldn’t be feeling that way. And you need to own up to the role you play.”

Patrick dragged his hands down his face tiredly. “You mean how I interact with other women.”

Noah nodded. “Yeah, for starters. Listen, this woman loves you so much she can’t see straight. Everyone knows that. But you know her past. You know it better than I do. You know what she’s been through in her life. Every time she’s loved in the past, it’s ended. So she’s waiting. Patrick, she’s waiting for what you two have to end, too.”

“But she knows how much I love her. I’ve told her countless times. I told her that I can’t imagine my life without her. I told her that I want us to be together. I asked her to move in with me, Dad.”

“That’s what scares her, Patrick. She’s afraid you’ll get tired of her. She’s afraid one day she won’t be enough for you.”

“That’s ridiculous.”

Noah offered his son a crooked grin.

Patrick’s eyes narrowed at him. “What?”

“She said you’d say that.”

Patrick rolled his eyes. “Well, that’s because it’s true.”

“That’s what I’m talking about, Patrick. You’re dismissing her feelings. You’re acting like they have no validity when you know they come from a very real place based on her previous experiences. You don’t like it when Robin tells you how you feel. Well, she doesn’t like it when you act as if her feelings aren’t real.”

Patrick ran a hand across his forehead. “What do you expect me to do, Dad? What do you want me to say to her?” He licked at his lips, as his voice grew soft. “There is no one else in this world for me. I love Robin so much it physically hurts. Everyday I find myself loving her more and more, when I didn’t even think it was possible to love her anymore than I already do. I will never get tired of her. She is the only woman I will ever want.”

“I know that. Now you need to make Robin believe it.”

“How? I don’t know what else to do.”

“Talk to her. Talk to her about how she feels and why she feels that way. Then find a way to make her believe in you and your future together.”

Patrick flexed his jaw. “Please, be a little more vague.”

Noah chuckled softly. “Well, you could start with being aware of how you behave around other women and how that affects Robin. Patrick, little more than a year ago you were a playboy and a confirmed bachelor for life. You vowed to never fall in love. I was the same way before your mother walked into my life and changed it forever, just like Robin did for you. But telling your mother how much I loved her and that she was the only woman I would ever want wasn’t enough to make her forget what she knew about my past. She felt very much like Robin does.”

“What did you do about it?”

“Well, I felt like I needed to make some grand romantic gesture to make her believe me.”

“Go on,” Patrick prompted impatiently.

Noah smiled as a twinkle appeared in his eyes. “So when your mother came to meet me for lunch at the hospital one afternoon, I got on the P.A. system and announced to all of floor 10 that I loved her more than life itself and there was no other woman for me.”

Patrick bit back a laugh. “How did she react?”

Noah shrugged his shoulders, as his smile morphed into a grin. “She called me an idiot and refused to speak to me for two days.”

Patrick let out a chuckle. “Didn’t exactly work like a charm, I guess.”

Noah shook his head. “I think I’d seen one too many romantic comedies. I was new at love and relationships, just like you are. I expected her to fall into my arms and kiss me senseless.” He sighed slightly. “But, son, as I learned, life’s not a movie. People aren’t carefully scripted characters. Love isn’t perfectly plotted out. It doesn’t work that way.”

“So how did you finally get Mom to believe in you and your future together?”

Noah tilted his head to the left. “Simple. I put her first. I listened to her. I talked to her about how she felt. I considered her feelings before I said or did anything. In time, she came to trust in my love and devotion to her. There were no magic words I could say to make her feelings suddenly change.”

Patrick blew out a breath, as a small smile curled the corners of his lips. “But you know I’m an instant gratification kind of guy.”

Noah laughed, but shook his head. “No, that’s the guy you used to be. This guy knows a great thing when he has it and realizes it’s worth all of the time and effort in the world to hold onto.” He paused and then added, “He’s also much less of an ass…most of the time.”

Patrick simply shook his head and let out a laugh.

---

Patrick walked into his bedroom and stopped in the doorway. Robin was asleep on his bed, clothed in one of his old grey t-shirts. He had been called into an emergency surgery after speaking to his father. He told her to go home without him and he would be there as soon as possible. That was three hours ago.

He undid a few of the buttons on his shirt, as he crossed the threshold and walked toward the bed. He smiled at the sight of her sleeping so peacefully. She always reminded him of Sleeping Beauty. She had no idea just how beautiful she was to him.

He knelt down before her and lifted his hand, as he gently stroked her silky hair. Her lips were parted slightly and he could hear her soft breaths escape from her mouth.

He felt a pang as his eyes swept over her, knowing that he had unintentionally hurt her. The last thing he ever wanted to do was cause her pain, but his insensitivity and obliviousness had done just that.

Her eyes slowly fluttered open while he stared at her, as if she somehow sensed his presence.

A tiny smile appeared on her lips as she said softly, “You’re home.”

He nodded. “Yeah, sorry it took so long.”

“That’s okay,” she said, resting her head in her palm. “I tried waiting up for you, but I guess I was just too tired.”

He bobbed his head, as his eyes continued to roam over her face and he felt his chest tighten with emotion.

“What?” she asked, her brow creasing.

He shook his head, his voice emerging quietly, “Nothing, I just….I just love you so much, that’s all.”

Her lips spread into a smile and she reached up to cup his face tenderly with her hand. “I know,” she whispered.

He swallowed roughly. “I know I can be an insensitive idiot sometimes. I don’t mean to hurt you, but I know I do. I’m working on that, Robin.”

Robin’s eyes narrowed at him. “You talked to your father, didn’t you.”

He nodded his head. “Yeah, it seems he fancies himself a couples’ counselor these days.”

Robin chuckled. “He’s just trying to help. He wants us to be happy. He wants you to be happy.”

Patrick’s expression grew serious as he met her eyes. “I am happy. Robin, you make me happier than I’ve ever been in my entire life and that is not going to change. There is no other woman on earth I’d rather be with.”

Robin felt the tears pop into her eyes. “But things change, Patrick. People change. I’ve seen it happen countless times.”

Patrick resisted the urge to tell her that it wouldn’t happen to them. Instead, he decided to take his father’s advice.

“Why do you think one day I’m going to get tired of you? Why do you feel that one day you won’t be enough for me?”

Robin’s mouth dropped open slightly at the sincere questions. She took a deep breath and then lowered her eyes. “Because that’s what happened with Jason.”

Patrick’s brow wrinkled. “I thought you two didn’t make it because of the secret of Michael’s paternity.”

Robin nodded. “That was the main reason, but I don’t think we would have made it anyway. Jason slept with Carly during our relationship. He was still very confused after his injury and trying to figure things out. He didn’t really consider what he was doing or how it would hurt me. I forgave him, but I could never forget it. To me, it meant that I wasn’t enough for him. It meant that Carly could give him something I couldn’t. She was free and bold and spontaneous - everything I wasn’t. I was just beginning to believe that a man could love me and want me again since I’d contracted HIV and that just made me wonder if I would ever truly be enough. And, in the end, I wasn’t enough for Jason. I couldn’t give him what Carly could and I don’t mean sexually. I couldn’t follow him blindly and accept his life and the choices he made the way he wanted me to.”

Patrick brought his hand up and caressed her cheek. “I’m sorry he hurt you like that.”

Robin looked into his eyes. “I know you aren’t Jason. I believe that you will be faithful to me. It’s just that sometimes I can’t stop those feelings of not being enough from popping up.”

Patrick shook his head. “It’s funny. I used to think I couldn’t possibly be enough for you. That you deserved so much better than me. The truth is, I guess I still feel that way sometimes. That a woman like you could want me still baffles me on a nearly daily basis.”

Robin rolled her eyes good-naturedly. “Oh, please. You’re gorgeous and brilliant, not to mention countless other things. Every woman wants you, Patrick.”

Patrick bobbed his head. “And that’s what you think every time you see me interacting with one.”

She bit at her bottom lip. “There’s that tiny little voice in the back of my head, yeah.”

Patrick nodded his head. “Okay, I get that. So I propose this. Whenever you hear that voice, you tell me and we’ll talk about it. And I’ll do my best to consider your feelings before I say or do anything.”

“I don’t want you feel like you have to walk on eggshells, Patrick. I’m not going to break into a million pieces if you talk to another woman.”

He smiled slightly. “Oh, I know. You’re the strongest woman I’ve ever met. I just mean I’m going to try to be more aware of how my actions affect you.” He sighed and shook his head. “Remember, this is all new to me. With the exception of my parents, I’ve never had to consider anyone’s feelings but my own. And that’s how I operated, no pun intended. I thought about myself. What I wanted, how I felt, how things affected me. But things are different now. I have you and I’m learning what it takes to be a man worthy of something so precious.”

Robin laughed softly. “Wow, laying it on pretty thick there, Dr. Drake.”

Patrick chuckled and shook his head. “No, I’ll tell you what laying it on thick is. Let me tell you a little tale about my mother and father. So-…”

Robin shook her head and reached down to grab a hold of his collar. She pulled him up off the ground, so that his face now hovered inches from hers. “I think I have a better idea.”

She then lifted her head and placed a kiss on his lips, as her hands released his shirt and her arms encircled his neck. After a few moments, Patrick pulled back and met her eyes.

“Ingenious idea, Dr. Scorpio.”

She smiled and replied, “I thought you’d like it,” before bringing her lips back to his.

-------------------------------THE END-----------------------------
Thanks for reading! Hope you enjoyed it and please me know what you thought.
-Steph

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When the Stars Go Blue

Title: When the Stars Go Blue
Author: Steph aka LicksHisLips (ILUVNYYANK@aol.com)
Rating: PG
Pairing: Robin/Patrick
POV: Patrick
Category: Romance/Drama
Disclaimer: I do this out of a love for this couple. No infringement is intended.
Spoilers: Nope
Summary: Robin helps Patrick get through the anniversary of his mother’s death, during which he recalls the last moments they spent together and the special gift she gave him.

Note: This story takes place during the current storyline and is told from Patrick’s POV. I don’t know when Patrick’s mom died, but let’s pretend it’s around now. So, hope you enjoy it and please let me know what you thought. Thanks! -Steph


--- When the Stars Go Blue: Part 1/1 ---


I stand on the hospital roof, staring out at the dark sky, the stars twinkling above me. It’s hard to remember the last time I felt this alone. When I fell in love with Robin, I thought my days of being lonely were over.

It’s strange, really. Before Robin, I spent most of my nights in the company of some random woman whose name I couldn’t remember in the morning. But not a night past that I didn’t feel utterly alone.

Things shouldn’t have to be like this. Robin and I would be together right now if it weren’t for that bastard Craig. I miss her in ways I can’t even articulate, in ways I never even expected. Most of all, I miss being able to talk to her.

I’ve experienced three terrible days in my life. The first was when my mother died. The second was when I was exposed to HIV in the OR. And the third was standing outside the MetroCourt, wondering if I’d ever see the woman I love again.

I had no one to help me through the first or last day and that made them that much harder. What set the second day apart from the others was that I had Robin. She was there to listen to me and comfort me. Now, I look back on that day as the day I realized she was all I would ever need.

I need her right now. All I want to do is talk to her.

I feel the tears begin to sting my eyes and I blink them back. Just then, I hear the sound of the door opening behind me. I don’t need to turn around to know it’s her. She takes a few steps forward and then stops a yard away from me.

I swallow hard. “You shouldn’t be up here.”

“I saw you leave the locker room. I could tell you were upset.”

I turn around to look at her. “You know we can’t be seen together out in the open like this, Robin. Craig will get angry if he thinks we’re ruining his charade and endangering his plan.”

She comes to stand by my side, turning her eyes up to me. “Craig won’t find out and no one else will either. You need me. I belong right here with you.”

“I’m fine.”

She reaches her hand out and covers mine with it. God, I miss her touch. I miss the feel of her skin against mine. I miss her warmth.

“You’re not fine, Patrick.”

“I will be tomorrow,” I reply.

“What about tonight?” she asks. “Let me help you make it through tonight.”

I drop my eyes to the ground, as I speak softly. “Sometimes I can’t believe it’s been so long. Twelve years today. I can’t believe she’s been gone for twelve years.”

“And you still miss her like it was yesterday,” she says.

I raise my eyes and meet her gaze. “Yeah, I do.” I shake my head. “I could tell her anything. That’s what I missed the most after she died. Being able to talk to her.” I pause and then purse my lips. “That’s what I miss most about you.”

She swallows hard and I can see she’s fighting tears. “I miss being able to talk to you, too. When I wake up in the morning, you’re the first person I want to talk to and the last one before I go to sleep. When something wonderful or terrible happens, you’re the one I want to tell. I didn’t have that for a long time and I had forgotten how comforting it is.”

I rub my hand across my mouth. “She was my best friend. Growing up, I thought my father was. We went to baseball games together and to the racetrack. But after she died, I realized she had always been my best friend. I could tell her anything without fearing her reaction. She knew when I needed her to just listen and she knew when I needed her to set me straight.”

I feel her thumb running circles across my skin. I turn to meet her eyes, as I go on. “I always blamed my father for how I shutdown afterwards, but the truth is it was never about him. It was about her. It was about the huge void she left in my life. I felt so alone and it wouldn’t have mattered if my father had been there for me. Without her, I was lost.” I pause and then whisper, “Then I found you.”

She squeezes my hand. “We found each other.”

I let a breath slowly pass through my lips. “Now I feel lost again. I feel so alone.”

She reaches up and touches my cheek. “You’re not alone, Patrick. Even though we can’t be together the way we want to, I am still with you every moment of every day. Please, don’t ever forget that.”

I rub at my eyes with my fingertips. “I had a patient die on the table today. That’s what really set me off. She was the same age as my mother and I thought I could save her. But I was wrong and I had to go out and tell her family that she was gone. She had a son that was the same age that I was when my mother died. I looked at his face as I said the words and I was back twelve years ago, hearing the same ones.” I drop my eyes to the ground. “I literally felt like I couldn’t breathe and all I wanted to do was find you. I needed to talk to you.”

She nods. “I know. I could tell the moment I saw you in the locker room. You didn’t have to say a word.”

I move my gaze to my hands. “Did I ever tell you about the last moments we spent together?”

Robin shakes her head. I raise my eyes to the stars and close them, thinking back to the final memory I have of my mother.


--- Flashback ---


I slowly enter the hospital room, stopping at the sight of her. She’s waiting while they finish prepping the OR, but she’s already been prepped. Her head is almost completely shaved. I feel myself suck in a breath of air, as I force myself forward.

She smiles self-consciously and runs her hand over her scalp. “Not a good look for me?”

I manage a small smile and sit down beside her. I take her hand in mine and then meet her eyes. I’m startled by the hoarse voice that emerges from my mouth. “You look beautiful, as always.”

A laugh flows from her mouth and I close my eyes, listening to the melodic sound. She has the most wonderful laugh and it makes the corners of her eyes crinkle. I want to remember that sound forever.

She shakes her head. “You sure know how to charm a woman. You get that from your father.”

I drop my head as tears fill my eyes. I feel her soft touch on my hand.

“Hey, it’s going to be all right. Your father’s the best. You know that. If anyone can do this, he can. I’ve always trusted him with my heart. Now I trust him with my life.”

I rub at my burning eyes with my fingertips and then meet her gaze. “Dad will take care of you.”

She nods and then pauses for a moment. “I have something for you.” She leans over to the nightstand and picks up her engagement ring. “They put all of my jewelry in a bag, but I told them I wanted you to hold this for me.”

I stare at the ring. My mother hasn’t taken it off since my father put it on her finger the day he asked her to marry him, almost 25 years ago. She has always refused to remove it. Not when she showers or gardens or washes dishes. My father was always waiting for her to tell him it fell off and she lost it. But she said she guarded it with her life.

Mom’s eyes begin to grow glassy with tears as she looks at the ring. “I didn’t want to take it off, but they forced me. They wanted me to put it in the bag with my other jewelry, but I just couldn’t. I was afraid something might happen to it. Your father’s holding my wedding ring for me and I would like you to hold this.”

She places it in front of me, waiting for me to take it from her. I swallow hard and meet her gaze, but don’t make a move.

“You’re going to be fine,” I say softly.

Her brow wrinkles. “Well, of course I am. I told you, I have the utmost confidence in your father. You’re just holding the ring for me until I get out of surgery.”

“That’s not what it feels like,” I whisper.

She lowers her eyes. “Patrick.”

I swallow roughly, suddenly aware of the thickening of my throat.

“It feels like you’re giving it to me,” I reply, meeting her eyes.

She slowly lets out a breath and I can see the mask she’s been wearing for my sake fade away. “Your father’s brilliant, but…but we both know my chances aren’t great. I guess we should stop pretending otherwise.”

I run a hand down my face, startled at finding my cheeks wet with tears. I thought I had successfully fought them off.

“This isn’t goodbye, Mom,” I say quietly.

She reaches out to me and takes my hands in hers. I feel the ring press against my skin. “I pray that I make it through this, but I guess now it’s time to be realistic and face the fact that I might not. If I don’t make it…”

“Mom,” I breathe.

“If I don’t make it, I want you to have the ring. And when you find the woman you love and want to spend the rest of your life with, I want you to give it to her and think of me.”

“Please don’t do this,” I say softly, as I lower my eyes and a tear splatters onto the blanket.

She pulls one hand from mine and lifts it to my chin, touching it gently, a silent request to meet her eyes. I slowly lift my head.

She takes a deep breath. “I hope I am there to see every important milestone in your life. The day you graduate from college and then medical school. I hope I get to hear your voice telling me about this girl you met who makes your heart race. I hope I get to see you look at her the way your father looks at me. And I hope I get to see her look at you with the love I always looked at your father with. I want to be there to watch you fall in love with the woman you want to spend the rest of your life with. I want to see the sparkle in your eyes when you tell me you’re going to ask her to be your wife. I want to be there on your wedding day when you promise yourself to her and dance with you at your reception. I want to see the smile on your face when you tell me I’m about to be a grandmother and the look in your eyes when you hold my grandchild for the first time.” She pauses, as I stare at her through a blur of tears. I feel like I can’t breathe and I have to resist the urge to flee the room. “I want to be there for all of it, Patrick. But it’s out of my control. It’s in God’s hands now. I may not be able to be with you physically, but I will be there. I will be watching you and in your heart for every wonderful moment you ever have.”

She slips her other hand from mine, leaving the ring cradled in my palm. Gently, she closes my fingers around it. “Keep it with you wherever life may take you. And when you know in your heart that you’ve found that woman, give it to her and remember me.”

I open my hand and stare at the ring. Then I drop my head onto her stomach and allow my tears to fall freely. She simply strokes my hair.


--- Present ---


I feel the wetness on my cheeks and I wipe at my face with the back of my hand, as I lower my eyes from the sky.

I find Robin staring at me, with her mouth hanging open and a lone tear strolling down her cheek.

“Why didn’t you ever tell me that before?” she asks softly.

I shrug my shoulders. “I try not to think about it. It hurts too much. For a long time, I didn’t think about it at all. Not any of it.”

“So why now?”

“Because of you,” I whisper.

“Me?” she asks, brow creasing.

I take a deep breath, as I meet her eyes. “From college to medical school to my apartment in Manhattan to my hotel room at the MetroCourt to my apartment, there are only three things that I have taken with me: my clothes, my racetrack, and that ring. I’ve always kept the ring in a box buried at the bottom of my sock drawer. I would take it with me when I moved, but I refused to think about it. After all, I had proclaimed myself a bachelor for life, so I would never need it. I would go years without ever thinking about it. I would forget it was even there.” I pause and then say softly, “Then I met you.”

A small smile curls her lips.

I go on, shaking my head. “That day after we made love for the first time, I went home and I found myself digging through my sock drawer in search of it. I couldn’t explain why to myself, I just needed to. I remember sitting down on my bed and opening the box. It was the first time I had even looked at it since my mother died. I remember taking it in my fingers and how cold the metal felt against my skin. I closed my eyes and there was this flash of me giving it to you. Since then, I’ve carried it with me everyday, no matter where I go. That day in the cabin was supposed to be just about sex, but, deep down, we both knew that was a lie. Robin, I knew that day when we were making love and I looked into your eyes that I was in trouble. And, if I had any doubt just how deeply in trouble I was, it was made clear to me the moment I took that ring out of the drawer.”

She shakes her head at me. “You mean, you’ve had it with you everyday since?”

I nod. “Yeah.”

“You have it with you now?”

I reach into the pocket of my pants and pull out the small velvet box. I hear her suck in a breath at the sight of it.

Her lips begin to twitch into a smile. “So you just plan on carrying that around with you for the rest of your life?”

I shake my head, meeting her eyes. “No, just until the right moment.”

She nods. “The right moment. And how will you know it’s the right moment?”

I rub my thumb over the velvet of the box. “My father proposed to my mother when they were lying in bed one Sunday morning. He said he looked over at her while she was reading the newspaper and she blew a piece of hair out of her eyes. And he knew he couldn’t wait one more moment to ask her to be his wife.”

She smiles at me. “That’s sweet.”

I nod. “When I asked him why he didn’t plan out something romantic, he said that love is not about the grand romantic gestures. It’s about wanting to go to the grocery store with that person just to spend time with her. Or staring at her over your bowl of cereal. It’s about giving up the remote control. It’s about wanting to share every moment of your life, the milestones and the mundane, with that person.”

“Your father’s a very smart man.”

I bob my head. “You’re right, he is. Right now, we can’t even share the mundane moments of life together. The things everyone takes for granted I miss more than anything now. But one day soon this will all be over and we’ll be together again. I’ll be able to stare at you over my cereal and gladly give up control of the remote. And then one day that moment will come and I’ll know.”

I can see the twinkle in her eyes at the promise for the future. I slip the box back into my pocket and then step forward, pulling her into my arms.

She places her head against my chest and I rest my chin on top of it, as I close my eyes.

“Thank you,” I whisper.

“For what?”

“For listening. For being here.”

She raises her head up and meets my eyes.

“I’ll always be here,” she whispers.

I smile, as I lower my lips to hers.

And I know somewhere my mother is looking down on us and smiling.

----------------------------THE END-------------------------
Thanks for reading! Hope you enjoyed it and please let me know what you thought.
-Steph

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